Let's Try This Again...Ramadan...Take Two

Ramadan is here. It’s a wonder anything’s getting written at all. It’s hot. It’s very hot. Whatever you’re thinking about heat as you know it, forget about it. This is different. Abu Dhabi summers are thick and dense. The wind can’t be motivated to push around the steamy air so the atmosphere just sits as close to the concrete as it could ever possibly get in a thick gelatinous layer of steamy hatred.  The heat lazily oozes about you, encasing you, and pushing downwards on your lungs, making you feel like an asthmatic asshole for even leaving your apartment in the first place. Like you just had to have toilet paper.  Guess what? You didn’t. You thought you did, and now you’re going to pay the price.

Here’s the good news. It’s Ramadan. And while during Ramadan much is expected of you, on the very same ticket, so VERY little is expected of you. Allow me to explain. During Ramadan, Muslims fast during fasting hours. The fasting starts from the morning prayer which is at 4:18 am here, (it depends on your location in the world).  The fasting continues until about 7:18 which is when we hear the Maghrib, (evening) adhan, (call to prayer).  At this point we can break the fast. The breaking of the fast is called iftar. So what exactly do Muslims fast from? Kind of everything. We don’t eat or drink during these hours. We don’t listen to music and we don’t have sex. We do the five obligatory prayers but there are also extra prayers that Muslims can submit during Ramadan. These prayers are called Taraweh. Some people don’t understand Ramadan too well or the reasoning behind it, but basically the idea is that Ramadan is supposed to draw Muslim people closer to Allah, or God. You have 11 months during the year that belong to you, and this single month is for Allah.

I will be perfectly honest with you. Ramadan is not easy for a person who hasn’t been doing this their whole lives. It’s not easy for a person like me. I’ve spent my entire life as a born Muslim doing exactly what I’ve wanted to do. I’ve never done Ramadan before. I’ve tried it this year, and the first couple of days were rough. After the rough patch, I’ve been successful for the most part. I’ve done it, really. But it was not without some error, and it has not gone exactly perfectly. I have struggled to not drink water, to not pop things into my mouth, to remember to pray each time, to not blast Beenie Man in my car…. Yeah. Listen, it’s been rough. But. I have remembered when I have made mistakes, and I’ve corrected them.

So that’s what is asked of you during Ramadan. What’s not expected of you, is to go outside during daylight hours. Everything’s different when you live in a Muslim country. And by different, I mean better. Most people who have to show up for work during this time are given time to rest, and time to pray, and lots of breaks during the day. People are fasting, and labor laws here are empathetic to this.  Many businesses shut down completely for hours at a time during the heat of the day and people go home to rest and pray during the fasting hours. Many businesses don’t open at all until after iftar has been done. If you don’t have to work at all, (as I don’t) during Ramadan, it’s obvious that you will simply stay in your home until after iftar. Noone is really going to ask you outside. If they do, and you turn them down because of fasting it’s widely understood and accepted. So in other words, during Ramadan’s fasting hours, you can just sit still in one spot and think about Allah. Or you can watch Game of Thrones Seasons 1 through 3.  That’s what some people might be doing, I don’t know those people.

The really great thing about Ramadan is the spirit of people. People are relentlessly kind during this time of year. Sometimes in this country, I’ve noticed that men allow ladies to go ahead of them in a line if they happen to notice you back there. This is nice enough right? During Ramadan however, without fail, every line I’ve been in I’ve been ushered to the front of it if there were men ahead of me.  They do this for all ladies, of course, not just me. In my dreams it would be only me. If you’re in the bank, they stand up so you can sit. A gentleman at Starbucks paid for a friend’s coffee and mine yesterday, just because. Also, during this time of the year, the city is full of lights. The nights are quite bright with decorative and attractive lighting to celebrate the season. From tall buildings to the majestic waterway bridges to the shrubbery, everything gets a beautiful shroud of magical lights. I love it. I wish I had more pics, but I told you I don't go outside...I meant that. :) Here are some of the photos of the city these days. Beautiful.

Tis the season right? Even though I’m missing my family like mad right now, I’m really glad I decided to stay here during this season. The experience is priceless I think.

Awww Souky Souky Now!

Imagine yourself inside a bazaar of old Arabia. Upon entrance, gently burning amber bark perfumes the air, and a handsome young man in an elegant, white kandoora offers you a tiny cup of Arabic style tea. Just underneath the lovely smell of warm amber you get a whiff of the most delicious-smelling grilled lamb your nose has ever had the pleasure of being graced with. Walk on to enjoy beautiful and romantic Arabic style architecture with each turn you take. Silk, kashmere, and pashmina of every color on the wheel line the stalls and shops of smiling merchants. One of them beseeches your entrance to his little corner of a shop. He’s very excited for you and your friends to come inside and see his offerings. For his silks after all, are the finest in the land. Now, to maximize the comfort and pleasure of your shopping experience and to add a little new world with the old, you can beat the Abu Dhabi heat because this souk is an inside market with full on AC.  You’re in the Souk at Qaryat al Beri, Abu Dhabi, and it really is this charming.

The Souk at Qaryat al Beri is a shopper’s delight, and it has just the right amount of old and new. You can find cultural antique pieces from all different parts of the Arabian Gulf, perfumes from all over the world, top of the line jewelry makers, and the latest modern fashions in clothing and shoes. This souk has it all. When your feet go tired from the shopping cardio and your arms ache from the weight of your purchases, you can take refuge in one of the many restaurants or coffee shops that the souk has on offer. You can grab a Starbucks, or you can try a smaller coffee shop like Pappa Roti, a local favorite. My favorite restaurant by far at the Souk is The Meat Co., a steakhouse that features South African cuisine. The décor is exotic, the service is high-touch, and the food is just yummy. Try the boerewors, a South African culinary icon. You won’t be disappointed.

This fantastic little gem of a souk sits on top of a piece of waterfront just between two main bridges of Abu Dhabi. Venetian style canals weave through the souk’s channels that connect it to the decadent Shangri-La Hotel. You can take a complimentary scenic boat ride through these passages starting at the glamorous Shangri-La and leading all the way up to the souk, which stands atop the water. On the boat ride, your tour guide will tell you all about the history of the souk and what shops you can find good bargains at. While he chats on, you will notice the most adorable birds, turtles, and fish that live in the freshwater inlet beneath you.

Just at the back of the Souk behind the hotel is the stunning Souk Marina where you can sit outside at a waterfront table and refreshments are brought out to you. Out on the marina, available-to-rent yachts are docked and waiting for your cruising pleasure. Now’s the time to employ the zoom feature on your camera because in the distance just over the marina you can see the booming domes and peaking minarets of the grandiose Shiekh Zayed Grand mosque, whose magnificence is another entity within itself.

Ramadan is Here!!! What I'm Doing These Days

Nothing. A whole lot of nothing! I don't mind really. It's just too bloody hot to step foot out of my door, so I haven't done much of anything. Abu Dhabi has literally been 100+ degrees F on most days, with what feels like 100% humidity. I. Can't. Go. Out. There.....

Ramadan is here, and I've been fasting... And let me just tell you. I'm Muslim but I've never done it before. The first couple of days are the hardest, quite miserable for me really. I just really, really, wanted to drink some water. My throat was like a talcum factory, and my lips were absolutely parched. It was just too much for me. I usually drink like 900 glasses of water a day, and the first 3 days of fasting were very difficult. I made it through however, and it does in fact get easier. The fourth day I could just feel myself leaning into the fast, and accepting it, frustrations yielding. Today on the fifth day, I am lying as still as I can on my couch as I write this. I think if I keep my mind busy, I feel less worried about my physical state.

I can't even get through this post. I'll finish it up later! 

Puff, the Magic Shisha Pipe

Shisha is... How do I explain it?? It's just something that's a part of the Arab culture and therefore something I too have immersed myself in while living here. Never mind what the experts say about it, I'm all in...as per usual. Shisha is something of a cultural symbol here in the UAE, as well as in most Arab countries. It is smoked for the flavor, not the effect, generally. Hopefully. The taste of the smooth smoke fills your nostrils and gets into your head. The smell of the light, sweet smoke is irresistible.  It plumes patiently from the patron's pipes and you can smell it's tantalizing perfume before you even walk into the cafes here. When you draw it into your mouth, it cools the throat and there is no tingle.

The first time I ever tried shisha, (or something like shisha, I should say), I was actually back home in Texas. (We call it hookah there). I was in downtown Houston in one of our very few (quote), "mediterranean influenced" (unquote) lounges. Spewing from the speakers was a cheese-and-whine-like voice singing a tune in Arabic, and kitschy Arabic decorations dangling from the walls. A tired belly dancer of a Caucasion persuasion who wore pink MC Hammer pants and an excruciatingly bored expression stood in a corner obligatorily flicking her hips from side to side. This place served hookah in these small glass waterpipes that had a heady, strange-fruit type of flavor, (that you didn't even get to choose...the nerve!) The food consisted of mostly previously-frozen microwaved ideas of Greek food and one mediterranean pizza with olives.... Alright, so I suppose this joint was okay for my social life prior-to-living-in-the-middle-east. But now? Yawn. Not to sound like a snob... but I would never go back there.  A pauper's haunt!!!   :)


Fast forward to my current life where I live amongst a sea of shisha selections, I have visited my share of cafes here in AD, and I do have my favorites. But one of them in particular is quite special. Aptly named, Special Cafe #2 is a local establishment situated on the Corniche.  It is as you may have guessed it, not far from Special #1 and Special #3. All three cafes have the same owners, and l'll leave it to you to decide which Special is your favorite. The locals that I've asked all say something different when I've asked which is their favorite. Speaking of locals, Special Cafe's are rife with them; it's another reason I adore this place.  Sometimes when you seek out places that the locals love, you just know you've found a hot spot. They're sitting cross-legged in the pillowed lounger chairs and looking eloquent in their long white kandooras and elegant black abayas. I've visited all 3 of the Specials quite a few times and my favorite? I am a resounding #2. I shall expound. All of the Special Cafes actually look quite the same, but for some reason, I always have a better experience at #2. I think the wait staff are friendlier, the food is tastier, the tea is hotter, and the shisha a little smoother. Could it be my imagination??? Maybe. Maybe not. My favorite flavor is Apple Mint. Whatever you do, decide before your waiter arrives at your table. Your server will be busy and always in a rush. Don't let that deter you, your experience is not about him. Once your shisha arrives, relax into your chair, find something good to talk about and let the people watching begin. As if all of this isn't special enough, did I mention that this place is open 24 hours?? You're welcome!!  Oh, and I almost forgot. Bonus! During football season, (that's soccer for all of you Americans), you can watch and cheer with the locals on big screens set up outside on the patio. We love our football here in the UAE!

Another tiny neighborhood shisha gem that I've really fallen in love with is Nagham cafe, located on Muroor and 31st. Nagham is literally a corner outdoor shisha shop; there's nothing pretentious about it, so if you want, you can leave your high heels at home. You really want to visit this cafe during winter or spring months, for it's far too hot to go in the dead heat of a summer day. Summer nights are do-able, if you're brave and you have health insurance.... Just kidding... Kind of.  Anyway, Nagham is small, it's unassuming, and it has the most amazing watermelon shisha you will ever blacken your lungs with. Mix the watermelon with mint, or "nanah" as you'd say it in Arabic, for an even more refreshing experience. Order a cup of moroccan mint tea with crushed ginger, aka zanzabeel, and lean back on your pillow lined wicker sofa. Watch traffic zoom by and ask for a deck of cards. If you ask him, the very sweet Pakistani shisha boy will teach you how to play a card game from his country. You will not understand it. No worries. Just go with it.


The thing about shisha that makes it special, is that its never rushed. Ever. You definitely could smoke alone, but it's always better with friends. Or you could just ignore one another and click away on your Blackberry all night. Either way, shisha is what you do when you just want to kind of watch the day turn into dusk, and the dusk into night. Noone has or cares to go anywhere, and you may or may not have a slight attitude of indifference about your work schedule the next day. Hours have been passed listening to laughs and the gentle bubbling gurgle of the water in your pipe, the intoxicating smell of the sweet fruity smoke tickling your nostrils. This is definitely a social outing that you want to take part in when you visit Abu Dhabi. It's guaranteed to hookah you. Get it? Hookah? :) Sorry, bad joke.

Keep The Car Running!!!

So in an effort to keep the car running, I am making a new post! I congratulate myself because I am convinced that I may have adult onset ADHD. Is that even a thing?

Right, so my work here for the year is done. I have successfully completed one year of teaching abroad in the UAE. I’ve completed what many have not been able to complete. I’m better for it, too. I don’t think I’m the same person I was when my plane touched down here last year and I stepped into what felt like a convection oven.  You learn so many things when you live in a different country. You mostly learn things about yourself. When I was younger in university, I would meet people from all over the world who had come to America to study, live, and work. I would think about myself in that context, and I’d always have the same responses. “I could never do that. I could never pick everything up and relocate to another state, let alone another country. How will I manage on my own? I won’t know anyone… What if I hate it? What about my family? What about my friends?”

Best decision I ever made. Honestly. I can’t imagine my life now back home in America. My eyes are opened. I’ve met people from so many different walks of life, and each one of them has shown or taught me something different.

One year ago at this time, I was in Paris on summer vacation. I remember sitting outside alone at this coffee shop, and the thought that I was having was, “I’m in Paris now on vacation, and that’s lovely and amazing. But… in less than two months, I’m going to be in Abu Dhabi…for my life. I’m going to live there. In Abu Dhabi. Which is in the United Arab Emirates. Which is in the Middle East.” Those were my thoughts, along with some other choice phrases that questioned my mental soundness. It’s funny. Had I been wiser, I would have used the Europe money to come to UAE earlier that summer. But I was not wiser. Not one bit.

I have one more week of dutifully and pitifully showing up to my school to stare at piles of desks and chairs with no students in them. I am now currently being paid to write this blog post.

Ironically and sadly enough, I miss my students. (What is wrong with me?) They used to make me laugh, which is by far my favorite activity. These walls are so quiet… I’m not lamenting too heavily, because in about 10 short weeks, this room will be filled with a new crop of fourth grade boys with fiery attitudes that I will charged with extinguishing.

But now, we are at the height of summer. In my beloved Abu Dhabi, aka “the sandbox,” that means we are reaching towards the pinnacle of torridity. Every day, at 5:30 am in the morning now, I am torn mercilessly from slumber by the sun’s salutations. Without mercy they thrash the thick, pomegranate-colored curtains in my bedroom and fill my once dark and vampirical bedchambers with far too much luminosity. If I am annoyed at this point then I am simply antagonized the minute I step outside. The city is a greenhouse and I am assaulted yet again, but this time with blatant, outright blasts of sultriness.  And as it is without reprieve, I can stand perfectly still and nodule after nodule of sweat seeps from underneath my skin. Whatever misery you’re trying to conjur up in your mind, multiply it, for my metaphorical miming does failed justice to the reality of this desert sun. I may have just taken my figurative language a little too far, but it was warranted…

This was before noon!!!

At any rate, summer is here, and nothing is to be done about it. Alhamdullilah, Ramadan is coming, so the city will be beautiful again. The nights will soon be radiant and fluorescent, neon lights are strung everywhere to remind you that here in Abu Dhabi, Ramadan is in fact, the most wonderful time of the year.  The people will be just as warm as the weather and welcome you into their homes for iftar, (breaking of the fasts). It is almost time to celebrate the holy month again. I will be fasting this time around, diligently. I’ve already settled it with myself and come to terms psychologically with what I need to do. I have the proper support systems in place, and I am ready. Insha’Allah, this is going to happen. Don’t worry, I’ll definitely have time to post about it because I will be laid out in my apartment with my laptop trying to avoid the sun and ignore my parched throat.

You Have to Count Your Blessings...and your Accidents. Then You Have To Compare Them.....

Nine months ago, last October, had a specific and non-predictable event not happened, my life here would have been a little different. Maybe a lot different. I don't know. A month before this unforeseeable accident, my company Abu Dhabi Education Council, had placed us (gratis) in a gorgeous hotel, the Beach Rotana, which is located in the Tourist Club Area. I loved it at this hotel. The staff were extremely gracious and accommodating even though they were servicing about 300 teachers. This could not have been an easy feat. Teachers can be loud, fussy, unforgiving, demanding, and actually in  some instances quite unreasonable. At any rate, this five star hotel was more generous and more lovely a place than I have ever stayed in America or abroad. We woke up on lush pillows for weeks on end to a massive all inclusive hot breakfast buffet, and the concierge was on hand to answer our every beck and call. There was an on site gym, sauna, and a private beach available to us directly behind the hotel! I say all of this to say, that I think ADEC was generous in it's welcoming us to the Emirates, and wanted us to be comfortable. Because it could have very well been Motel 6 style accommodations with no wifi....Omg kill me.
Here are the digs at the Beach Rotana.

View from the gym, which has an on staff trainer.......

          Lobby of the hotel, where we lounged everyday and had five star capuccinos and Pellegrino........

                            View of the private beach at the back of the hotel. I know, roughing it.

               Inside of the hotel rooms that we were given to lounge in. Free. For a month. See the roaches on the walls?  :)

After lazing it up in this terrible, terrible place for four weeks, the company started making accommodations for us to move into our actual permanent digs. It was to be a very large, almost compound style apartment complex. It was called Al Rayyana, and it was in a neighborhood in Abu Dhabi called Khalifa City A. (You guessed it, there's also a Khalifa City B. :)  The complex was gorgeous and brand new. They had just been built. When I say "just" I mean, only just. They were really honestly incomplete when we moved in;  the construction guys were still there working on units and apparently still doing inspections... blah blah blah, right? Khalifa City A is nice enough, kind of far from the heart of the city, but you can't ask for everything now can you? Being completely honest, this location and the complex itself came with it's own set of problems. For one, the incompleteness of the buildings themselves caused problems large and small with many tenants. Some people had small problems like leaks and electrical issues, and some of them had larger complications like sewage, mold, plumbing back ups and air conditioning that didn't work. Needless to say, some of the teachers dealt with these issues more graciously than others.... The other thing that was difficult for us teachers who didn't have cars was that we were in sort of a remote area, (maybe it was just remote because it was new) and the taxi drivers, bless em, couldn't find the place. So. You would call them up for booking, praying all the while that he would speak English...and you would try to coach them on how to find the place, even though you barely knew where it was yourself. If there happened to be a language barrier which was quite frequent, well then it was extra fun! Other than these technicalities, it was a great place to live. Here are some shots.

                                                                     Bathroom

Kitchen

Bedroom

Courtyard. Before Shot.

So. Like I said. The place was fine. The apartments were spacious and state of the art. Everything was new and there was a brand new pool and gym and grocery story being built. The kinks could have been worked out. Until. Small accident. Okay, it was kind of a big accident. The ground sort of fell in. I'll tell the story. I cook dinner for myself, take a shower, and lie down for a quick nap. It's about 8 o'clock. I may have been lying down for about 10 minutes, and that's when I heard it. A thunderous roll that wouldn't quit. I don't know why it's comical to me and why I'm smiling now as I type this. Yes I do, but I'll explain that later. Anyway, my room shook a bit as I was lying in bed. But it didn't shake in an earthquake kind of way. (I know this because I've experienced an earthquake here in UAE as well. Lol, my life is a freaking adventure!) No, it wasn't an earthquake kind of shake. It was more like the kind of shake you feel when a huge eighteen wheeler truck or a concrete grinder truck comes too close to a residential area and it just trembles the ground a teeny bit because of it's sheer size and power. But the trucks are never really quite this..... loud. This sound was unbelievably loud. I think one of the reasons I'm laughing now is because I just continued to lie down after I heard it. You see, my apartment was one of the ones that had a faulty AC unit, and it was bloody hot in the place. I literally had to lie very still in order to not break a sweat. And so I suppose that even with the imminent threat of a possible concrete truck smashing straight into my bedroom wall, I couldn't be bothered to move to see what it was. Now. I don't exactly sleep in apparel of a modest nature, so you can imagine my chagrin when the tiny Pakistani security guard banged my door down with the strength of ten men and demanded that I get out of the apartment, NOW!!! So I do what any self respectable Muslim lady living in the Emirates would do in this situation. I put on my abaya and run! I'm one of the first few people to get outside because my apartment was on the ground floor. Then I see it. It, is a massive, and I do mean massive hole in the ground where the courtyard used to be. Where I'd sat on a bench just four hours ago waiting for a taxi driver with limited English and little to no understanding of how to find the place. This entire courtyard, complete with structures, fountains, benches, and newly planted trees, had fallen through the ground, down a full story below to the underground parking garage. Oh and also, there were also some teachers cars that were parked on the ground level, that had fallen into the parking garage.....I'm laughing again. What? It's nervous laughter.  Now before you think anything, I'm going to say what anyone could plainly see. This was an accident, and it could have happened anywhere. Here's a picture of the hole. Massive.

Free car. If you can pull it out of the hole. Is it too early to joke about that? I don't think so. 

Some fountain structures, and a couple new trees..... My bench....:) So Close. Whew!

Yes, it is as scary as it looked! Haha. Why am I still laughing then....Actually what's wrong with me?

Nice aerial shot for you blood thirsty hounds. There was no blood. At all.

Alright, stop gawking already! Accident. It was an unfortunate accident.  I can't say it too many times. Because when it happened, and months after it happened, some people, who will remain nameless and after this blog is posted they will be launched right back into the most obscure branches of my brain where they've been living ever since the incident. They hemmed and hawed, and cried and slung enough snot to put Kleenex out of stock for a while. I mean, honestly. People seriously believed that they were traumatized.  I mean it was scary, but  honestly it was an accident. You mean, there were never any structural collapses in America, or UK, or Canada? Never? Not one? Oh, okay, then yes, this place is a living hell indeed. Scoff. Yawn. Get over yourselves. Let's remember what's important. Myself and a few other people sat in that courtyard day in and day out, using our cell phones, waiting for taxies, playing with children. Noone was on the courtyard when it collapsed. Noone. That's important. It has to be noted. Noone was underneath the structure in the parking garage. There could have easily been security guards or construction workers down there as the place was teeming with them all day and all afternoon. That's a blessing from Allah! Some teachers were yelling out that they refused to go to work for the rest of the week. Some were shouting no justice, no peace. Others were about to pull out their Sharpies and pickets.....  Our employer responded professionally, swiftly, and with the safety and comfort of people and their families as their immediate concern.  They transported us to another roach motel, AKA another five star resort style hotel. This time it was the Yas Viceroy Hotel. You know the huge one on Yas Island with the Formula One RaceTrack built underneath it's haunches. You know the one that sits on it's own Marina lined with million dirham yachts. Yep, that one. People were still crying buckets. Every meeting, every update, every single piece of correspondence sent out. Eyes red. Cried out. Why is this happening to us? Why did I leave my sweet sweet hometown? I knew this was a mistake!!! Why are we at the Yas Hotel!!!???  It's sad, I know. I completely understand. I too, had been hoping for the Econolodge. Ridiculous.
Here's some pics of the Yas Hotel. Enjoy. I know I did.

 By day it looks like the throw of a fisherman's net. 

By night, it looks like a whale!! It's massive. 

My bedroom. Which was later upgraded to a king suite with a dance floor, because I was so nice to concierge!!!

 Sitting area leading to the patio for Formula One Track viewing.

My little sister Naima and I enjoying Yas Brunch on the patio. BMW's were zooming by below us. Swanky. 

Me. Because....Nice photo...??? :)

My patio was directly under the "throw" of the fisherman's net of the hotel. Formula One engines kept me up all night. Told you it was harsh living. 

In a later post, I'll show you what happened after the Yas, the new accommodations, and how things shifted. A lot. In a good way!

Swanky Thangs

Sometimes, you have to do swanky things in life. You have to go to swanky places, and wear your swanky clothes. It's alright. It's fun. You hold your tea cup high and you stick out your swanky pinky. You sit up straight and you don't slouch the back, and you make like this is the way you always sit, even though it feels hella weird to some of the lower back muscles. I have never done so many of these swanky things until I got to Abu Dhabi. I love it, honestly. Listen, I'm 32 years old, and I'm having the time of my life in a beautiful place. I have to put on now or never. Because let's face it. When am I ever going to look this good again? (See? You can even speak with swankiness.)


Probably the best instance in Abu Dhabi of all the swank lined up in one huge gigantic swank tank, is the Emirates Palace Hotel. This place is gorgeous. Put it on your top five list of places to ever go, not just in Abu Dhabi, but period. It's the second most expensive hotel ever built for sobbing out loud. Do not misunderstand me. I've only visited the hotel, I haven't stayed there. I'm a teacher, let's be realistic. On each occasion that I've gone, I was taken aback by the majesty and the splendor of the place. The domes, the arches, and the art. The enormous pictures of the Sheikh smiling down at you. It's all so amazing.......

I've gone to the palace for normal tea with my sister when she visited UAE last winter, and for high tea for my friend Khaleel's birthday. Normal  tea and high tea are completely different things. However for both, we put on our prettiest dresses, high heels, and we did the straight back thing. (I'm telling you it hurts like a mofo, but thats not the point.)

At regular tea, which turned out to be not so regular at all, we treated ourselves to 24 carat gold cappuccinos and loose leaf fragrant oolong teas. There's also the camelcino offering, which as you can probably guess is made with fresh steamed camel's milk. (A delicacy.) We were settled into an overly plush sofa with tons of linen and silk pillows lined with gold trimming. Here's a photo of the 24 carat gold cappuccino.  It did not fail to delight.

Here's high tea with the girls. Such fancy ladies. Yes that is the ubiquitous high tea cucumber sandwich, (UAE style.) Yes, those tiered towers of desserts that kept showing up again and again are completely over the top. And finally, yes, that is 24k gold sprinkled on the chocolate cake.

Finally, just in case that you are a swank monster, and I haven't given you enough to satisfy your swank tooth.... just after the Palace lobby, look over to your left....... and

Gold ATM. Boom. Swank Session Complete.